


Cringeworthy

by JokesterJay



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies)
Genre: AU, Drabble, M/M, Modern AU, Spideypool - Freeform, peter also muses about his sexuality, peter muses about his relationship with wade, they aren't dating at this point, wade is just hitting on him mercilessly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 16:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5213150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JokesterJay/pseuds/JokesterJay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter Parker has to deal with a lot of shit as Spiderman, including but not limited to: J Jonah Jameson's daily rants about him, not being an Avenger yet, hiding his double life well, and sometimes (thought lately, more often) the attentions of the notorious Deadpool.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cringeworthy

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to extend thanks to my lovely girlfriend for helping me write this fic.
> 
> If I'm inspired enough, there may be more chapters!

It had been a more or less normal day for the people of New York. Paste Pot Pete and Batroc had both been successfully shut down by Spiderman earlier in Times Square, and now the web slinging superhero was crouching on the edge of a tall building, watching over the city. He’d barely broken a sweat putting away the two baddies, and was thinking about unsuiting and going to finish his bio paper when his spidey-senses began to tingle. Before he could even get up to assess the danger, his senses were assaulted. His nose was smacked with the stench of blood, sweat, and week old Mexican food. Deadpool. His eyes narrowed further as he heard the loudmouth mercenary shout out, “Spiderman! Hey, am I a snowflake? Cause I seem to have fallen for you.”

Ugh. Peter narrowed his eyes, slowly getting up and turning around to face the other man. Lately it seemed like Deadpool was stalking him around the city, always showing up to try and “help” Spiderman put away the bad guys. And always, always, always, he delivered a lame pick up line to follow. Bad enough that Deadpool and Spiderman were seen together, Peter reflected, remembering the torrent of people talking about it on social media (“Even JJJ is tweeting about this!” he’d mourned) but it was decidedly worse that Deadpool had taken to ramping up his flirtations with the younger man. And even worse, Peter decided, that Wade had to use the world’s worst pick up lines.

Every single day for the past two weeks had consisted of Peter beating on notorious D-list villains, and Wade showing up last minute (usually bringing more trouble with him.. and Mexican food) to do a “marvelous team up”, ending with some of the worst pick up lines known to man. Peter thought he had heard all of them, but Wade seemed to find new ways to dig deeper and make him cringe. Some honourable mentions included “Hey girl, are you a mirror cause I could look at you all day”, “Hey, something’s wrong with my phone.. your number’s not in it”, “Do your legs hurt? Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day”, and finally “Did you know that screw rhymes with me and you?”

Peter’s reaction had been the same each and every time. He’d finished up with the villains in the least violent manner possible (and retorted to each and every one of Wade’s insults and attempts to permanently end their lives- which segwayed into a tangent about their morals) and told Wade to fuck off, but in more polite words. Put short, Peter knew Wade was bad news. Deadpool made his living killing people, and while Peter had to admit he did some good sometimes, he was a ruthless and unhinged killer. Spiderman wanted nothing to do with Deadpool.

The attention he garnered from the older man was as unreadable as it was unwelcome. Peter didn’t know a single desirable trait about Wade, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to get to know the other man at all. He didn’t know whether or not the flirtations were genuine, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to think too hard about whether or not he cared. Peter was too busy with college to want any relationships, much less to question his sexuality (heteroflexible was a thing, right? Sure, he loved girls but there were some really attractive guys he’d considered..) and even less to contemplate the possible genuine flirtation of Wade Wilson. Was he doing this for fun or did Wade really care for him? And why did Peter care if Wade cared? Did he care? Was it worth asking?

That being said, Peter did have the odd moment where he wasn’t outright vicious to the other man. Sometimes (very rarely), Deadpool did actually help him out, or do something good and Peter (albeit begrudgingly) found it in himself to say something nice about it. Wade reacted much differently those times, although it took an attentive observer to notice. Those few times Peter said something kind left Wade without words for a few seconds. Only a few seconds. Then he was right back to his endless rambling about the most mundane (and sometimes incomprehensible) subjects.

As he narrowly escaped being roped into what was sure to be another long and pointless encounter with the older man vis a vis jumping off of the building he had been resting on and leaving Deadpool hanging (he was tempted to literally leave him hanging as a lesson for destroying the East side with his alien lizard battle, but held back for fear of traumatizing citizens on the ground with the sight of a fallen and crushed Wade on the sidewalk when he eventually cut himself free), Peter reflected on all the recent happenings. Peter swung back into his apartment to unsuit and work on his college homework. He resolved, finally, that dwelling on Wade too much would drive any man insane. 

No, he was determined to focus on his paper for the rest of the night, and let the other superheroes of New York do their work. After all, if the only category of villains active on a day like today were people like Batroc, well. Peter thought that the people of New York would be alright. 

He crossed over to the false wall in his closet where he usually stored his suit when it wasn’t in use and opened it up. Just as he was hanging it up, a yellow square on the back caught his eye. He unstuck what appeared to be a jumbo sized, folded up sticky note from the back on his suit and unfolded it with dread.

On it, in a messy and almost illegible hand closely resembling a young child’s, was written “If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? (Just kidding! OR am I?) See you soon sweetums! XOXOXO Deadpool”.


End file.
